the story of my new class and classmate

oke finally gue bisa nulis lagi. thanks God its friday which is mean tomorrow is yaa kinda day off lah, meskipun besok harus lari di unisma dan gue nggak tau itu dimana. shit! oke gue mau cerita soal yaa yang pertama pastinya guru math gue yang baru laaah. sebenernya sih orangnya baik asik terus neranginnya juga enak, dijamin lo pinteran deh. tapiiii dia kalo nunjuk siswa disuruh maju maen nunjuk nunjuk aja. masih boleh diskusi sih kalo nggak bisa, tapi nggak boleh lama lama diskusinya jadi yaa tetep aja bikin deg deg an. kalo buat anak kelasnya, honestly gue masih belom terlalu nyaman sama yang baru. karakteristiknya bener bener beda jauuuuh, either boys or girls. tapi udah lumayan laah dibanding pas awal awal. tapi perbedaan paling significant tu yaaa, kalo dulu anak anak x.1 cowoknya lumayan terkenal ganteng ganteng kalo sekarang XI ia 1 terkenal "jackpot jackpot" hahaha. but its k laaah. cowoknya udah kompak banget. gue harap ceweknya juga bisa lebih kompak lagi dan nggak ada yang nge geng. Amin. hihi. oiya terus wali kelas gue "tercinta" ultah dia minta surprise laah kado laaah. wtf banget hahaha. tapi yaaaa nggak tau lah jadi apa enggak, kalasnya aja nggak rido buat ngeluarin duit beli kado atau tart buat dia haahaa. terus kan gue masih sekelas tu sama resty amel kudil sama naufal. kalo naufal yaa masih kayak dulu laah. nggak bisa nyambung gue sama dia. kalo sama amel, masih suka beranteeemmmm mulu hihi. peace ya melel. kudil hmmmm karena ada pelajaran yang gue sekelompok sama dia jadi dari yang ilfil jadi tambah ilfil hahaha. agak nggak nyangka aja kalo kudil se gila itu hahaha. terus resty nah dia sering tu duduk bareng gue. sumpah gue amat sangat berterimakasih banget duduk sama Resty Rindasari Soedjoed, dia kan pinter banget terus rajin lagi terus dia biang gossip juga hihi. seneng banget dan beruntung banget gue duduk sama dia. thanks banget ya reeees semoga lo nggak bosen gue susahin terus hihi. udah dulu yaaaa soal ia 1 nya (((:

a little intermezzo among my bee zee schedule

so since this happened to me (read my old post with title "just a piece of a story bout The Past") he pretty often comes at my mention. ya thats so funny remember he was never talked or jus say hi when we met each other. k thats it. unimportant? yes of course, but i want to let yall know bout it hihi. ill catch ya later k. many story to tell is in my head now but i hv to do my fu*kin homework at this time. see ya!

dont push me down pleaseeeee

oke gue barusan telfon amel, gue minta ceritain semuanya dan ada 1 guru yang bikin gue minta maksa masuk ke bonyok. gurunya nggak suka sama murid "bodoh" sedangkan dipelajaran dia gue yaaa nggak pinter pinter amat laaa. nah, lo tau gue gampang stress ya jadilah gue maksa masuk sama bonyok. karena kata amel hari kamis dia mau ngadain test "kepintaran" what theeeee. astaghfirullahaladzim, tobat banget gue. takut nggak kuat kalo gitu caranya mah. mana kkm fisika 77 mtk 76 sejarah aja 78. langsung ngedrop gue begitu denger itu semua ))): yaaaa semoga gue semangat deh setaun ini. dan semoga nanti kelas XII nggak berat berat banget gurunya. karena gue orangnya nggak bisa diajarin sama guru yang bikin gue tertekan. pasti nggak bakal masuk pelajarannya. yaaa udahlah coba jalanin aja dulu.

tuesday evening at my room

udah genap 5 hari gue nggak nongol di sekolah. harusnya kemaren jadi hari pertama gue masuk sebagai anak kelas 11 di sasi. tapi jengjeng ternyata pas hari sabtu gue kena tampek (orang di rumah gue dan gue sendiri pun nggak tau nama yang baik dan benar dari penyakit ini apaan). bete juga di rumah nggak ngapa ngapain. cuma tidur nonton minum obat. gue juga nggak boleh mandi dan harus makan makanan yang "bener". masalah sekolah, agak deg degan sama takut juga. guru baru lingkungan baru, temen temen baru yang nggak gue kenal. egois mungkin kalo gue bilang "gue mau sekolah kalo kelas gue yang dulu" tapi yaa itulah kenyataannya. gue mau kelas gue yang dulu. feeling gue kayaknya gue nggak bakal nyaman sama kelas ini, nggak tau kenapa. yaaa tapi gue bakal usaha, karena gue tau anak lain juga ngerasain hal yang sama. tapi hal ini juga yang bikin semangat gue buat back to school jatoh. entah mungkin karena anak anaknya yang kalo kata kelas lain "jackpot" entah karena gurunya yang katanya agak killer dalam masalah nilai atau emang karena diri gue sendiri yang belom bisa adaptasi sama lingkungan baru. gue juga nggak tau. tapi yang ada dipikiran gue sekarang yang jelas gue harus semangat lagi kayak dulu, karena lo harus tau betapa pinter pinternya anak kelas gue sekarang. dan gue nggak mau jadi anak bodoh terbelakang yang nggak ngerti apa apa. yaaa mungkin inti dari semuanya gue cuma takut. gue takut nggak ada yang mau bantuin gue, gue takut nggak ada yang mau ngehargain apa yang gue omongin lagi gue juga takut nggak ada yang mau dengerin gue kalo gue lagi butuh tempat cerita. karena honestly sampe sekarang gue belom nemuin temen yang bener bener bisa jadi temen gue di sasi.

its nothing

i cant do nothing, bcause im no one

what i want to be

banyak orang bilang seorang perempuan berfikir 90% dengan perasaan dan 10% dengan logika. sedangkan laki-laki 10%persen dengan perasaan dan 90% dengan logika. tapi gue sedang dalam proses untuk menjadi seorang perempuan yang gue mau. gue mau menjadi seorang perempuan yang berfikir 50% menggunakan logika dan 50% menggunakan perasaan.

James Owen Sullivan

I have never met you.

I have never had the privilege to see you in concert.

I have never had the bravery to attempt to figure out the way your mind worked.

I have never had the talent to play drums as amazingly as you did.

I have never met anybody who can play the drums like you did.

I have never seen, known, known about any person as unique and special as yourself.

I have never been able to fathom how amazing it would have been to have you physically in my life. However, I only ever had you in my life through music.

That, my dear, is enough.

James Sullivan, you changed my life. Not in the cliche “You saved me” way, but you changed my life by helping me to broaden my musical tastes, by giving me the courage to be who I am. I would watch videos with you in them and wonder “How does that man do it? How does he go out and not care what anybody thinks about him?” I was never able to be that way until I knew about you and saw more of you. I never knew you personally, but I know you were an amazing person. You were an amazing person and a phenomenal musician. You are, along with another four wonderfully talented men, my inspiration. That will never change.

I miss you, Jimmy. I miss you more than you could imagine.

And I didn’t even know you.

Zack Baker, Matt Sanders, Brian Haner, Johnny Seward.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and I’m sorry for what you’re going to go through. I’m sorry you had to lose your best friend so young, and I’m sorry that there are, indeed, fans that do not respect your privacy enough to give you time to recuperate from this terrible loss. I’m sorry you have a select few crappy fans, but always remember that the majority of us do respect you, your privacy, and your music. We love you through and through. We’re going to be here, and we have been here, for you no matter what decision you make as far as the band. We hope you remain as a band and welcome a new drummer into your brothel, but if you don’t; we understand. We’ll be entirely too upset over it, but we understand and we support any decision you make.

Jimmy, it just hit me tonight, after seeing Zacky V’s shattered custom, that you’re gone. You’re physically gone from this Earth and there is nothing any of us can do to change that. However, you’re always going to be here. Your music is not going to die and your memory is going to live on.

I miss you.

P.S. = again, this isnt my wrtiting but it can reflects my feeling