I'm Gonna Find Another You

It's really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as was your plan
But when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you

You take your sweaters
You take your time
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhymes
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue
I'm gonna find another you

When I was your lover
No one else would do
If I'm forced to find another, I hope she looks like you
Yeah and she's nicer too

So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Now I'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I'm gonna do somethings you wouldn't let me do
Oh I'm gonna find another you

P.S. This song obviously describes how i feel right now. Yes, im gonna find another you. Maybe that's the only way, by repeat the words over and over again, to find another YOU.

Aku Ingin

oleh : Sapardi Djoko Damono

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan

kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan

awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

#The poem above, is the only poem that i love.

  Sederhana tetapi penuh makna.

my dreams

i have let at least three of my dreams go. my biggest passion in life. i know He has prepared a better future for me. well sometimes regret is the most appropriate word. but situation just forced me to let 'em go. so... what can i do then. nothing. seriously, its nothing. people said chase ur dream and reach it, do as best as you can for everything, for your happiness. but it just too late for me. really really late. i have nothing left for at least a lil hope. no, i have nothing. i have no candle in the dark. and the point is not only about my happiness. i have parents, i want them to be happy. people said live your life right so you can get the happiness. but sometimes its wrong. happiness is not a destination of life happiness is not something what we live for. but happiness is something we live by. we live our life happily so we still be able to live to through every hard time. over all, i live once and im not gonna live forever. i have let those dreams, those passions. but i do believe HE has prepared something better for my future which i will do wholeheartedly happy and bring some happiness to lead my life. i believe in You. i know You always want me to be happy at any situation i live. so please help me to choose another choice the way i'll live and fulfill my life. bcause i know You will.

Alone

i hate being lonely, being alone and nobody care to me. but sometimes i realize being alone is the best choice. because when you alone you dont have to think bout another person who's sitting next to you or walking behind or in front of you. you dont have to think whether you hurt their heart or not with ur words. ya, sometimes being alone is the best thing in life. S O M E T I M E S.

Emptiness

pensi has left my second years of high school has gone and it feels empty inside have nothing to do with ur life. im just not ready enauf to face the third grade of school. im not ready yet to start to manage my school stuff again. im not ready yet with the national exam and collage things. i still want to hang out, have fun, doing something crazy. i want my time back i want everything which has left back to me. i miss thinking how pensi will be i miss thinking how to make sure that everything will be okay along the Day (re: pensi) i miss being a lil girl who will always be guarded by my older schoolmates i miss become hectic and panic when evertyhing just didnt work in the right way. it just empty inside. i have no body to be liked to be crushed on even to be loved. i have no passion in my life for this time. i'm missing someone who never exist. i'm missing something that i always think through this years. everything just so damn empty inside, and its perfectly sucks.

Beautiful and Me

people said :

"You're beautiful on your own way. Because God makes no mistake."

well for me "im pretty sure God makes no mistake because He is The God, it just never crossed my mind that im beautiful. im not beautiful and will never be. im not beautiful in my own way cause i even have not any ways to make my self beautiful." thats the truth is

INDONESIA

gue bangga kok sama Indonesia dengan segala kekayaan sumber daya alam dan budaya yang kita punya, gue amat sangat yakin banyak banget anak anak muda indonesia, para penerus bangsa yang bangga sama negara kita ini. tapi gue sebagai salah satu anak indonesia pengen banget ngeliat atau denger anak anak indonesia teriak dan dengan senyuman lebar bilang kalo GUE BANGGA SAMA INDONESIA GUE BANGGA MENJADI ANAK INDONESIA, bukan menghela nafas dulu terus bilang yaa inilah indonesia sekacau apapun keadaanya gue anak indonesia dan gue harus bangga sama bangsa gue sendiri. sebagai anak indonesia yang bangga dengan merah putih yang berkibar, gue pengen ngeliat kegembiraan dan kebanggaan yang real oleh anak anak indonesia sebagai bangsa indonesia bukan kebanggaan karena kita terlahir sebagai anak indonesia dan bagaimanapun keadaannya kita harus bangga sama indonesia. bukan, bukan itu yang gue mau. karena kita semua, gue dan semua anak indonesia penerus bangsa yakin bahwa indonesia negara yang kaya, negara yang besar dan negara yang sebenernya bisa jauh lebih baik dari ini.

NOVEMBER RAINS

banyak banget belom gue ceritain dan gue tulis. lets start it. ya gue waktu itu sempet berantem sama nyokap karena miss komunikasi, dengan suksenya seminggu full gue dicuekin yang dengan suksesnya juga bikin gue nangis garuk garuk tanah. tapi Alhamdulillah its over and now everything just got back to normal ways. terus apalagi yaa, oiya gue kepilih atau dipilih yaa whatever, jadi wakil ketua pensi bidang administrasi. nggak tau mau seneng atau sedih. tapi syukurin dan jalanin ajalaah yaa. terus di Deutsch gue juga jadi bendahara. and ummm everythings getting better with UNESCO. i love it! oiya gue juga punya anak baru, NYANYU ((; welcome to the club girl!! terus tugas tugas gue tambah banyak, ya as usual. dan gue tambah males. SHIT. and the worst of all is, i fall in love. ummm shit. its different because he's my friend. i mean we are friends the situation is like "we are friends and we will never be more". i knew it because he looks at me as a friend, a good friend but me? i knew im in love with him. i want him to be more than friend but i dont want to ruin everything because im pretty comfortable with him as a good friend. but i want moooreeeee. but i dont want to ruin everything. gaaaah --> galau banget. oke done with my stupid unimportant post i dont know what i have to write anymore. so, bye!

get a life boy!

remember bout this words 'persahabatan adalah keterbukaan yang saling terkontrol satu sama lain' ya, one of my best friend said that a couple years ago when i got angry suddenly with everyone without reasons. i knew you r busy with ur fuckin life. but now i need you to prove ur words.

jus life

since there was a fuckin incident bout my post here, i extremely lazy to write. but now, here i am. actually there's nothing special lately, life jus life. everythings goin on the same place. sometimes it feels flat and colourless. i dont kno what i should to write. yaaa lemme try. today is august 31th, still ramadhan and ya kno usually after the schools weeks over we do 'pesantren' but remembered i am a 11th grade student now so i hv to teach. its been the second day im teaching those chickens (read : 3th grade students w/ high pitched sucks voices). first day was going sucks second days was going double sucks the third day? i wish there is no sucks moments anymore. k, since i am speechless and my mood suddenly change be totally bad mood. im fuckin out! see ya soon!

my disappointment

sebenernya mereka adalah temen temen main gue. dewo, deo, talitha sama kia.kita sering banget ngumpul bareng. dewo sama deo adalah temen gue dari SD kia tadinya dia tetangga gue dan gue ternyata ketemu dia lagi pas SMP talitha adalah temen TK gue yang juga ketemu di SMP. basicly kita berasal dari SMP yang sama SMP 1 Bekasi. kita mulai deket dan suka ngumpul bareng dari kelas 2. kita semua punya tabiat dan karakter juga latar belakang yang beda beda. setelah lulus SMA, gue pisah sama mereka. mereka berempat di etnies dan gue di sasi. awalnya semuanya baik baik aja meskipun kita pisah dan ada di lingkungan baru, sampe ada 1 masalah kecil yang entah kenapa jadi besar banget. masalah yang bisa selesai dalam hitungan menit tapi merusak segala kejadian yang udah dibangun dalam hitungan tahun. gue tau kita, anak SMA, punya ego yang besar. dan di usia segini gue juga ngerti kalo ego kita dan emosi kita lagi meluap luap. tapi kita udah bukan anak TK lagi yang kalo berantem harus teriak teriaka atau pukul pukulan atau diem diem an. kita SEHARUSNYA udah ngerti mana yang bener mana yang salah. mana hal yang harus diperpanjang mana yang bisa dilupain. gue tau kalian punya ego tapi gue juga tau kalian ngerti apa arti dari persahabatan. gue sempet mikir kita masih bisa sama sama sampe entar kita tua, bisa hv fun bareng sampe rambut kita putih, gigi kita ompong. tapi faktanya? saat kita masih pake putih abu aja kita udah nggak bisa nyatu. gue nggak mengkambing hitamkan siapapun, gue nggak nyalahin siapapun. yang salah cuma ego kita yang nggak bisa ditempatin pada tempatnya. gue sempet berharap entar di ulang taun gue yang ke 17, tepat jam 12 malem lo berempat dateng. gue nggak butuh kue atau pesta gue nggak mau perayaan di hotel berbintang. gue nggak butuh lo bawa kue atau hadiah hadiah mahal. gue cuma butuh lo semua ada diantara orang orang yang gue sayang dengan semua kebahagiaan yang ada. tapi buat sekarang ini mungkin itu semua udah nggak mungkin. mungkin gue terlalu berlebihan nanggepin semuanya. tapi gue nggak suka dengan segala perubahan bodoh ini. please banget di bulan puasa entar singkirin sebentar ego kalian. gue mau kita buka puasa bareng lagi, sholat bareng. nggak cuma gue sama talitha berdua doang. meskipun kita berdua hv fun kalo udah ketemu, tapi kita butuh lo bertiga, di tempat yang sama dengan rasa yang sama.

what i want to be

banyak orang bilang seorang perempuan berfikir 90% dengan perasaan dan 10% dengan logika. sedangkan laki-laki 10%persen dengan perasaan dan 90% dengan logika. tapi gue sedang dalam proses untuk menjadi seorang perempuan yang gue mau. gue mau menjadi seorang perempuan yang berfikir 50% menggunakan logika dan 50% menggunakan perasaan.

im back!

k, here i am at my room. jus got back 2 days ago. and umm i hv so many stories to tell. from the first day till last day. from the bad till good. and from the interesting till boring. and ill post the pictures tho (((: