I'm Gonna Find Another You

It's really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as was your plan
But when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you

You take your sweaters
You take your time
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhymes
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue
I'm gonna find another you

When I was your lover
No one else would do
If I'm forced to find another, I hope she looks like you
Yeah and she's nicer too

So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Now I'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I'm gonna do somethings you wouldn't let me do
Oh I'm gonna find another you

P.S. This song obviously describes how i feel right now. Yes, im gonna find another you. Maybe that's the only way, by repeat the words over and over again, to find another YOU.

Aku Ingin

oleh : Sapardi Djoko Damono

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan

kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan

awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

#The poem above, is the only poem that i love.

  Sederhana tetapi penuh makna.

Emptiness

pensi has left my second years of high school has gone and it feels empty inside have nothing to do with ur life. im just not ready enauf to face the third grade of school. im not ready yet to start to manage my school stuff again. im not ready yet with the national exam and collage things. i still want to hang out, have fun, doing something crazy. i want my time back i want everything which has left back to me. i miss thinking how pensi will be i miss thinking how to make sure that everything will be okay along the Day (re: pensi) i miss being a lil girl who will always be guarded by my older schoolmates i miss become hectic and panic when evertyhing just didnt work in the right way. it just empty inside. i have no body to be liked to be crushed on even to be loved. i have no passion in my life for this time. i'm missing someone who never exist. i'm missing something that i always think through this years. everything just so damn empty inside, and its perfectly sucks.

NOVEMBER RAINS

banyak banget belom gue ceritain dan gue tulis. lets start it. ya gue waktu itu sempet berantem sama nyokap karena miss komunikasi, dengan suksenya seminggu full gue dicuekin yang dengan suksesnya juga bikin gue nangis garuk garuk tanah. tapi Alhamdulillah its over and now everything just got back to normal ways. terus apalagi yaa, oiya gue kepilih atau dipilih yaa whatever, jadi wakil ketua pensi bidang administrasi. nggak tau mau seneng atau sedih. tapi syukurin dan jalanin ajalaah yaa. terus di Deutsch gue juga jadi bendahara. and ummm everythings getting better with UNESCO. i love it! oiya gue juga punya anak baru, NYANYU ((; welcome to the club girl!! terus tugas tugas gue tambah banyak, ya as usual. dan gue tambah males. SHIT. and the worst of all is, i fall in love. ummm shit. its different because he's my friend. i mean we are friends the situation is like "we are friends and we will never be more". i knew it because he looks at me as a friend, a good friend but me? i knew im in love with him. i want him to be more than friend but i dont want to ruin everything because im pretty comfortable with him as a good friend. but i want moooreeeee. but i dont want to ruin everything. gaaaah --> galau banget. oke done with my stupid unimportant post i dont know what i have to write anymore. so, bye!

TOTALLY NOT IMPORTANT but i hv no idea to write

since im not in love w/ 'myfirstloveandbrokenheart' anymore i pretty often had/have a crush, ONLY CRUSH NO MORE, with soo many guy. so dont get shock if you find my blog full of SHIT. LOL. k bye!

a stupid story w/ lotta fun!

so umm, today is the first day of ramadhan so i had fasting today and unluckily today is wednesday which meant i had to LIA. umm talking bout LIA i wanna tell ya something. we called him x. the story is, i and my class at 207 was joined to another class bcause of two fuckin freak boys been postpone and class was got studentless. i was absent for 2 times continuedly and when i came my eyes couldnt see another guys except a guy w/ black 'pull the trigger bitch' t-shirt. ya a black tshirt w/ those fucked awesome words on the back side. since the first time i saw him i knew that he's kinda an extraordinary bad boy. and as time goes by, i realized that he is not only an extraordinary bad boy but hes totally smart and a funny person tho. o great! ya, once he got higher score than me and made the whole class laugh aloud bcause of his act and the most important he LOVES metal and Rock bands just like me. buuuuuut he is a smoker ummm actually thats not really a big problem of me because my besfriends and my dad are smokers tho, so thats not something new for me. oiya, he has a pointed nose and heavy hard voice (bcause of weed ofcourse). you kno i love it! thats the whole things that i could tell ya bout him for now. the conclusion is : he is one of the best extraordinary bad boy ive ever known.

a little intermezzo among my bee zee schedule

so since this happened to me (read my old post with title "just a piece of a story bout The Past") he pretty often comes at my mention. ya thats so funny remember he was never talked or jus say hi when we met each other. k thats it. unimportant? yes of course, but i want to let yall know bout it hihi. ill catch ya later k. many story to tell is in my head now but i hv to do my fu*kin homework at this time. see ya!

its nothing

i cant do nothing, bcause im no one

just a piece of a story bout The Past

so last nite i watched the final match between spain and netherlands that was won by spain with 1-0 and posted all the moved second by second on twitter. and suddenly i read a gorgeous shocking tweet. "HE" (read : The -itsmyfirstloveandbrokenheart-) tweeted me

him : Lo besok sekolah kan.?

me : iya. emang kenapa kak?

him : Hebat banget..hehe..gue besok juga mau mulai liburan..hahaha

me : yaah 4 taun sekali, sayang kalo dilewatin hihi. -_- enak banget ya lo liburan. beda anak kuliah mah liburnya lama

him : Hahaha..emang enak lo.belajar sana.

me : aaaah blagu lo. bukannya kuliah juga ada OSPEK ya. kok lo liburan?

thats it. he didnt reply again. but its k. i dont really think bout it. but you know what make it was so special? bcause we never talked or just say hi though we met or looked each other. for a while i thought that he hates me and i didnt know why. but its k, bcause i already know that he doesnt hate me and he still wants to be my friend, though we had a bad histories among us. and for me everything with him, with The -itsmyfirstloveandbrokenheart- is done. its over. he already has a beautiful and smart girl with him and i already forgot and deleted my fLove for him. But i will always adore you as The -itsmyfirstloveandbrokenheart-. because the first love always has it own place in everyone's heart, forever.

P.S. = every words, every sentence on the conversation was truly copy paste from my twitter

whatever

i miss you, i need you, i love you, i wish you were here or bla bla bla bla. you kno what, i hate it when i hv to say that f#ckin gorgeous words bcause sometimes they feel so cheesy. but truly, honestly from my deepest heart, i really want to say them aloud.

my first post is bout fuckin asshole thing that called broken heart

its already 0:37 am here. i cannot sleep or actually trying to not sleep earlier. bcause i hv a plane to thailand on 11 am tomorrow. and i may take more than an hour to get there. and i hv a plan to just sleep on plane and when i opened my eyes taraa, you were in thailand. k lets catch the point. honestly im in love (and broken heart) now w/ a guy at my school he is gorgeous. and i call him "an extraordinary bad boy" bcause he's truly extraordinary and unfortunately a bad boy, even most of my friend doesnt like him. he is a year older than me, he can do beat box, rap, he has good english both in bad or good words. we hv common on music and opinion bout life. he is a cute and kind one. o ya he is a glasses user tho, jus like me. and for me he looks like a harry potter (not dan radcliffe) when harry came for the first time to hogwarts. he is adequate not only on music but also draw, paint and sports. but ya he jus tho gorgeous to b mine. i just knew and talked to him at my school's art music and dance event, a week ago. at that time i didnt see him texting w/ anyone (we read it his girlfriend) so AT THAT TIME i think he doesnt has a girlfriend. but the fact i got him has a beautiful, smart and slim girlfriend. and they already been a couple since 15 MONTHS ago, and thats H.U.R.T. k maybe its a bit too much but ya that is the fact that i hv to accept. that sucks thing makes me asked, WHY I ALWAYS FELL IN LOVE W/ SOMEONE WHO ALREADY HV A GIRLFRIEND. ya i know thats sucks. thats why i asked to my self. but as usual i cant answer it. so bcause im too sick to think clearly now i hv a dirty hurt brilliant plan. im going to go to thailand tomorrow morning. when i already being there i wanna take down the burden on my shoulder and my heart. i will leave them in thailand and never took them back to indonesia. and i will carve his name on every white sands beach there and will never carve his name on any beaches here. bcause im sick enauf with all of these thing.