Untuk Kalian

Untuk Bapak dan Ibu

di Bekasi

Untuk mimpi-mimpi yang tlah ku tanggalkan
Untuk angan-angan yang tak pernah menjadi harapan
Untuk kejayaan yang tak pernah berani aku impikan

Ini untuk kalian
Yang selalu kubanggakan
Jadi jangan pernah tinggalkan
Dan lepaskan ku sendirian
Karena aku di sini

Untuk Kalian

Love

November di Kota Perjuangan

Good Evening,
ive been here bout 3 months. banyak banget yang harus diceritain. mulai dari akademik, senior-senior gue, sampe angkatan gue.

gue pertama kali nginjekin kaki di surabaya buat stay itu tanggal 28 Agustus 2012. hari yang cukup bersejarah dan mungkin akan selalu gue inget. minggu-minggu pertama di sini everything seems will be fine. nggak ada yang bikin gue bener-bener khawatir, even pengkaderan- karena gue tau it'll be so much fun in the end, kecuali akademik. gue selalu dan selalu ngerasa kurang. dan hal itu terbukti. UTS yang cuma 2 minggu, made me weak as hell. gue nangis setiap malem, ngerasa i can do nothin, i dont belong in here, dan banyak hal yang bikin gue cuma bisa nangis. tapi apa daya gue udah terlanjur ada di sini. semingguan gue diem aja sampe anak-anak (mostly boys, karena nggak ada lagi yg ngegenitin mereka) tanya gue kenapa. and everything finally revealed karena gue udah nggak kuat. bonyok akhirnya tau dan temen-temen gue tau. this is what they said :

Vicky : "kenapa neng nangis? udah nggak usah nangis terus."
Jablay : "udah jangan nangis terus."
Aqsha : "Allah nggak akan ngasih cobaan yang hamba-Nya nggak mampu mikul. lo pasti bisa, Die!"
Yola : "lo nangis seminggu? sumpah? demi apa?"
Ibra : "udah neeng, nangis teruuus."
Yogie : "gue juga ngerasa hal yang sama kok."

and so did the other. tapi kata-kata inilah yang bikin gue bener-bener cry a river

(texted me) Dad : "kakak... Hallo kakak gimana kabar kakak? always in top condition yaa. Bapak tidak pernah lupa berdoa buat kakak.. semoga di mudahkan dalam segala urusan kuliah kakak.. yang penting tugas kakak saat ini belajar semampunya aja. Bapak yakin kakak bisa berhasil dan sukses.. sementara ini bapak tugasnya yaa cari uang buat anak2 aja... kakak hrs tegar dan kuat tuk menghadapi semua tugas2 nya dan juga mungkin rasa capek, kesel dan juga rindu jakarta.. masa depan ada di tangan kakak.. aku berharap kakak sudah bisa memutuskan mana yang baik dan buruk. supaya cepat bisa mandiri.. apapun keputusan, kebutuhan kakak di surabaya bapak bener2 mau support supaya sukses aja..... selamat yaaa. salam kangen yaaa laways Love. (i dont what happen but when i typing this mustang88 muterin lagu I Wont Give Up by Jason Mraz, watta coincidence).

(by phone) Mom : "kakak nggakpapa? kalo ada apa-apa telfon aja, kalo kakak butuh ibu kapanpun telfon aja. kalo ada apa-apa cerita aja. ibu pasti dengerin. kapan pun. kakak baik-baik yaa di sana. jangan lupa sholat. kalo kakak jauh yang bisa jagain kakak cuma Allah, bapak sama ibu nggak bisa. kakak baik-baik yaa di sana."

(by phone, when he came home) Adek : "ya ampuuun lebay looo. lo emang ngapain aja sih di sana. masa nggak bisa kemana-mana. udah santai aja jalanin aja. udah yaa lo baik-baik di sana."

bahkan adek gue yang blangsakan kayak makanan ayam sisa aja bisa ngomong kayak gitu. Hebat.
dan setelah UTS selesai gue udah nggak pernah nangis lagi well mungkin nanti pas UAS wk. but i'll be fine. like seriously will be fine. semangat yang nggak pernah putus yang di kasih sama temen-temen gue sama keluarga gue harus bisa gimana pun caranya bikin gue move forward.

satu hal yang gue bisa dapet di sini. gue MANJA dan KEMBALI MANJA karena GUE DIMANJA dan MEMANJAKAN DIRI GUE SENDIRI. gue disini deket sama banyak cowok, sebagai temen, dan kaum gue adalah kaum minoritas dan amat sangat dijaga dan dilindungin di sini sama 107 manusia-manusia dari kaum lain. which means, gue ngelakuin apa-apa dibantuin ada apa-apa langsung ditolong gue kenapa-kenapa langsung di perhatiin. lama kelamaan gue ngerasa nyaman dan KEBODOHAN gue pun kembali. gue sampe bingung harus nyari ke-taugh-an gue dimana lagi. semua kayak tiba-tiba ilang. dan itu yang bener-bener harus gue jaga sekarang. the old me has been back. jangan sampe ilang lagi. jangan sampe kebawa arus lagi. no more baby stupid cry. gue udah bisa taugh selama lebih dari 4 tahun. dan gue mau jadi kayak dulu yang senggol bacok bukan senggol nangis hanya karena banyak yang jagain.

dan ada 1 hal juga yang bikin gue PASTI BISA survive di sini. tulisan ini. tulisan adek gue yang dia bikin di blog-nya beberapa hari lalu pas dia pulang. kancut bandung yang tiap hari nangis aja bisa taugh as rock masa gue yang tiap hari nindas dia nggak bisa kuat. i can do it, no matter what i'll be fine and i'll be taugh as rock.

Angkatan gue dan Senior gue.
Angkatan gue adalah angkatan ke ke 14 dan akan tetap dianggep apapun yg terjadi.
banyak hal yang terjadi di angkatan gue yang berisikan 36 permata dan 107 lumpur (ya gue juga nggak tau sejak kapan lumpur bisa diitung kayak gitu). semakin hari semuanya semakin complicated, tapi gue tau everything will be fine eventually. gue yakin itu. mungkin ada banyak hal yang bikin gue ngerasa kalo kalian belom menjadi bagian dari gue dan gue belum bisa menjadi bagian dari kalian. tapi akan ada lebih banyak hal yang akan bikin kita bukan cuma menjadi satu bagian tapi jadi satu keluarga atau bahkan satu tubuh dengan segala perbedaan yang ada dalam diri kita. baru 3 bulan tapi udah banyak cerita yang bisa gue ceritain soal kita. dan akan masih banyak lagi. nanti, kalo udah waktunya kalo udah saatnya kalo kita udah bisa dapet gelar itu, gue akan ceritain soal kita, lengkap, person by person.
senior will always be senior. tapi ada banyak perbedaan yang membuat gue sayang sama senior-senior ini. satu perbedaan yang paling besar adalah mereka udah sayang sama geu dan temen-temen gue bahkan sebelum mereka tau siapa kami. mungkin ada beberapa cara mereka nyayangin kami yang kurang enak di hati kami, tapi balik lagi ke kata-kata everything will be fine eventually. akan ada saatnya gue nyeritain mereka lengkap, tapi nggak sekarang. akan ada saatnya.

sekarang uda jam 07:03 PM di jam-nya komting. dan gue ada konsol. so i have to go. satu kalimat yang udah gue ulang-ulang di atas dan akan terus gue ulang-ulang di otak gue sampe gue bosen.

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE EVENTUALLY

Belajar Ikhlas Itu Tidak Mudah

Belajar ikhlas itu tidak mudah.
Belajar ikhlas that im not in Jogja to study industrial engineering.
Atau bahkan di Jakarta to study fashion design.
Bukannya tidak bersyukur.
Tapi belajar ikhlas tidak semudah mengucapkannya.

This is the first time of my life, first time, to do something that i've never expected or even eagerly and excitedly wanted before.
But this is my choice and my decision.

I've already drowned. so deep.
I cant just quit and let everybody around me down.

All i have to do and be able to do are only survive and face it.

But...
To be sincere aint easy at all.

H-4

baru aja kepo temen-temen satu jurusan. people said, "Dont judge person by their twitter." but still everything just make me down and down, worse and worse. i feel knowledge-less and smart-less. i feel like i dont belong there. mom dad i'll do my best or atleast try to do best of me, that's my vow. but as you promised me dad, if someday i cant handle it, like totally get enauf and bout to explode, i can go back to you and mom and do everything from the beginning. i promise you and i do hope you keep your promise. i know i always be able to count on you both. i just feel so fuckin damn powerless right now. Love you Mom Dad. xoxoo

#P.S. : what im afraid the most is not being alone and nobody wants to be my friend or even live far away from you both. what im afraid the most are, disappointing you, make you sad, and tear your big hope of me.

I'm Gonna Find Another You

It's really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as was your plan
But when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you

You take your sweaters
You take your time
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhymes
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue
I'm gonna find another you

When I was your lover
No one else would do
If I'm forced to find another, I hope she looks like you
Yeah and she's nicer too

So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Now I'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I'm gonna do somethings you wouldn't let me do
Oh I'm gonna find another you

P.S. This song obviously describes how i feel right now. Yes, im gonna find another you. Maybe that's the only way, by repeat the words over and over again, to find another YOU.

Someday you will

There's a time when you regret something in your life. but there will be much more time to grateful your beautiful life.

Future

You have no idea what future has prepared for you. but you are able to set it and still get surprised.

Another Step of My Life

Surabaya, East Java

Institut Teknologi Sepuluh Nopember

Materials and Metallurgical Engineering

Aku Ingin

oleh : Sapardi Djoko Damono

Aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan

kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan

awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

#The poem above, is the only poem that i love.

  Sederhana tetapi penuh makna.

OASIS V

OASIS V : Find Your Treasure
Saturday, June 16th 2012
Guest Stars : Souljah, Abdul and The Coffee Theory, Thirteen, and Glenn Fredly

What should i say? I became a half papen, since i still be interested and wanted to help but i had no business anymore with OASIS. i met Glenn Fredly face to face cause i registered to Meet and Greet with him. i shaked my body stupidly and crazily and i couldnt even remember there were my elder and younger schoolmates around me, and now after i thought bout it over and over again i feel God damn embarrassed. i just enjoyed the music the performer the glenn itself. as usual, hazna and i came to help but yuka couldnt because her grandpa was still being hospitalized and she needed to take care of him. the older and older alumni such as Kak Pandu, Susi, Jimbo, Fandy, Dhanan, Kompa or whoever his name i dont even know for sure, and one tiny men that i dont remember his name too, also came to help, give good and full experienced advices, and do some men-woods and hammer-jobs. the crowd were awesome and amazing. if i were a stranger i would say the event was perfect, but as a half stranger and half papen, i felt kinda there's huge imbalance between the internal things and the external ones. i cant say clearly what it is cause i have no right to say since my blog could be read by anyone. in short, i had another good experience, i was so happy, and (again) i got another knowledge and good advices bout my upcoming life from the people around me. that's all i can say at this starving-and-almost-3-am time. Au Revoir!

Part of My Happy Ending High School Life

left to right : Aca, Me, Jablay, Abang, Piyik, and Yola

FW/Fucking Whore/Fabulous WoMan well.. call us whatever you want, WAS a study group. then it became more than just ''understanding chem's forms together'' group, but also bestfriend. we talk much even too much. from friendship to relationship, from the most expensive clothes to underwear, from good stuff to dirty stuff, from Hollywood to Indonesia, from Super Junior to Angger Dimas, from the most wonderful place you must see before you die to history, from school's gossips to politics, from Varsity to Family, from the happiest moment ever to the most painful, and absolutely from heart to heart. We have me myself Dieski Nuntasi Wulanari well i think i dont have to explain anything bout me, then Hasanuddin Ritonga, Raffif Muhammad Rizqullah Nasution, Tjut Aqsha Annatasya Putro Mustofa, Yolanda Torong, and Yuka Puspita Anggraini.
Hasanuddin Ritonga or i usually call him Abang, is half batak half makasar, the smartest, so religious, kinda good looking, a bit tough but not harsh or even harm at all, so damn wise, for some things he could be so idiot, his dream is to be a driller, he cant play any music instrument, very kind, a future engineer, he is single and will always be until he finish his school BUT he always has "girl-friend" , he's currently a Chemical Engineering student of University of Indonesia.
Rafif Muhammad Rizqullah Nasution or i usually call him Jablayku because he's a man i mean a truly man BUT he always understand whatever we (the girls) say. he has wide and wide knowledge bout history and politics, loves debating bout the politics or economics things, he knows how to treat girls right that's why he's a playboy (or will be former, we'll see), half batak half javanese, spamming shit on twitter around midnight, a beginner DJ, smell so damn good only after he smokes sampoerna mild merah, a very good person to talk, could be so fucking annoying, several years living in Australia make his english fluent as fuck, a family-oriented man, trying so hard to keep his body stay in shape, he thinks spanish is sexy, doesnt want to get married in life (yet), his dream is to be a single well-known attractive and rich lawyer, he thinks he's a bad boy (and seems so proud), could be very stupid and childish, he's currently a Law student of International Program of Gadjah Mada University but he still pursue his passion to be a Law Student of University of Indonesia.
Tjut Aqsha Annatasya Putro Mustofa or i usually call her Aca is half Javanese half Aceh. The President of Hamka III, saman dancer, childish, crazy, wise, has a very good public speaking, loves disney and all the princess stuffs, appreciate and believe the power of love, so religious, afraid of sun and afraid of having dark brown skin, never want to swim unless the water have less chlorine, never want to run unless for the test, smart at biology and chemistry, her biggest dream is to travel around the world, love history like LOVES, everything is bout travelling around the world, well-known bout beautiful places around the world, a good writer, love reading and book absolutely, easy to cry, really want to go to Paris and blablabla Lake (i forget which lake and what its name),  want to be a backpacker a good wife and a good mom, has thousand way to make us laugh, a sincere person, gave me a "Dieski Wulanari is My Best Friend" words from chocolate for my 17th birthday gift, she's going to be a student of Communication Faculty of Padjajaran University.
Yolanda Torong or i usually call her Yola. a dancing machine, loves any kind of dance, singer, choreographer, musician (bcause she knows bout music and tone a lot), a bit allergic with rice, very very religious girl, talk-active, very aloud, fashionable, high class, sensitive, very nice person to talk, principal, very ticklish as fuck, dont you ever dare to touch your neck talk bout it or everything related to neck in front of her, her dream is to be rich person so she can make her family happy and will be able to go anywhere she wants (eventhough she's rich enauf now) and to be a very good dancer,  has very messy sexy long hair (according to me, yuka, and aqsha), pure Karo, loves her Iting (Grandma) so much, has a wonderful and funny family, everybody loves the way she tells bout anything, when she tells bout her family we named it Yola Show because it's soo exciting to be watched, loves basketball, crazier than me, knows almost everything bout hollywood, crazy in love with RnB Hip Hop you know.. Jay Z and stuffs, loves Super Junior, always come up with brilliant ideas when everything get stuck, creative, always try to protect her bestfriends, she's going to be an Industrial Engineering student of Gadjah Mada University.
Yuka Puspita Anggraini or i usually call her Piyik Uchul because she's Piyik (little chicken but here means a kid) and Uchul because she's funny. half Solo half Bengkulu, very creative, The President of OASIS IV, love all of her bestfriend very much, she can make anything with paper glue scissors colourpens and hundreds of colourfull paper, fearless, prepare your heart when you are hitchiked by her either by car or motorcycle, talk-active, aloud, moody, crazy, good person to hangout with, guys love her because she is easygoing, loves maliq n d'essentials, loves jazz, loved BFMV, a drummer, good saman dancer, messy, innovative, easily to get sick, has problem with stomach, love soda and spicy food, i cant count how many time she has been hospitalized just to get infusion, a basketball player, loves outdoor activities, force her body to be taller and taller, her dream is to be a successful woman and get a simple down to earth religious villager husband with mito cellphone that already have instagram app and live happily ever after, she's going to be a General Medicine student of Sebelas Maret University.

we all totally different, but those differences make us together.
we also have similarity, we all are talk-active, principal, have huge dreams, always struggle hard to get what we want, and we love and respect each other.

promise me guys, we will succeed, help each other like we used to, keep contact wherever we are, pursue our dreams, always be happy, and always be friend till we have no teeth and our hair turns gray.

thank you for fulfill my hard 12th grade life with laugh love and joy. j t'aime.

Viva La FW !!
Viva La Bitches !!

#Our Pictures

terakhir kali gue nulis bulan april dan sekarang udah bulan juni. banyak banget banget hal yang terjadi selama kurang lebih 1 bulan belakangan ini yang membuat gue tadinya excited buat nulis disini, kayak apa yang udah gue janjiin, jadi males banget. well, i think i will just summarize em all. Alhamdulillah gue udah lulus UN. NEM gue 53,10. Alhamdulillah juga gue keterima di SNMPTN Undangan, jurusan Teknik Material dan Metalurgi di ITS, Surabaya. and mmm, what else? temen-temen gue banyak yang masih berjuang buat SNMPTN, so mereka banyak yang masih pada sibuk. gue juga lagi agak ribet plus stress plus deg-degan ngurusin daftar ulang buat di ITS. well, thats all. and perhaps i'll explain more and more bout everything but.. it depends on my mood. au revoir!

Principle

First time is a mistake. Second time is a chance. But the Third , is a foolishness

Final Examination is Completely Over!

udah terlalu lama gue nggak nulis.

hari ini tanggal 19 april 2012 which means the last day of National Examination and since its already 11 PM means UN has done since 10 hours ago. semua orang mendadak galau, semua orang mendadak nulis soal kenangan-kenangan indah mereka di SMA, yaa semua orang mendadak bernostalgia. banyak yang belom gue ceritain disini dan banyak yang pengen banget gue ceritain. mulai dari OBELIX, my future plans, my parents' future plans for me, my dream, BATIK'12, FW, soekarsa terakhir, gabolisma terakhir, bahkan UTS atau UAS terakhir. and slowly but sure, i will tell you everything. because i dont wanna left anything behind and i have 4 till 5 months to do whatever i want.