the story of my new class and classmate

oke finally gue bisa nulis lagi. thanks God its friday which is mean tomorrow is yaa kinda day off lah, meskipun besok harus lari di unisma dan gue nggak tau itu dimana. shit! oke gue mau cerita soal yaa yang pertama pastinya guru math gue yang baru laaah. sebenernya sih orangnya baik asik terus neranginnya juga enak, dijamin lo pinteran deh. tapiiii dia kalo nunjuk siswa disuruh maju maen nunjuk nunjuk aja. masih boleh diskusi sih kalo nggak bisa, tapi nggak boleh lama lama diskusinya jadi yaa tetep aja bikin deg deg an. kalo buat anak kelasnya, honestly gue masih belom terlalu nyaman sama yang baru. karakteristiknya bener bener beda jauuuuh, either boys or girls. tapi udah lumayan laah dibanding pas awal awal. tapi perbedaan paling significant tu yaaa, kalo dulu anak anak x.1 cowoknya lumayan terkenal ganteng ganteng kalo sekarang XI ia 1 terkenal "jackpot jackpot" hahaha. but its k laaah. cowoknya udah kompak banget. gue harap ceweknya juga bisa lebih kompak lagi dan nggak ada yang nge geng. Amin. hihi. oiya terus wali kelas gue "tercinta" ultah dia minta surprise laah kado laaah. wtf banget hahaha. tapi yaaaa nggak tau lah jadi apa enggak, kalasnya aja nggak rido buat ngeluarin duit beli kado atau tart buat dia haahaa. terus kan gue masih sekelas tu sama resty amel kudil sama naufal. kalo naufal yaa masih kayak dulu laah. nggak bisa nyambung gue sama dia. kalo sama amel, masih suka beranteeemmmm mulu hihi. peace ya melel. kudil hmmmm karena ada pelajaran yang gue sekelompok sama dia jadi dari yang ilfil jadi tambah ilfil hahaha. agak nggak nyangka aja kalo kudil se gila itu hahaha. terus resty nah dia sering tu duduk bareng gue. sumpah gue amat sangat berterimakasih banget duduk sama Resty Rindasari Soedjoed, dia kan pinter banget terus rajin lagi terus dia biang gossip juga hihi. seneng banget dan beruntung banget gue duduk sama dia. thanks banget ya reeees semoga lo nggak bosen gue susahin terus hihi. udah dulu yaaaa soal ia 1 nya (((:

a little intermezzo among my bee zee schedule

so since this happened to me (read my old post with title "just a piece of a story bout The Past") he pretty often comes at my mention. ya thats so funny remember he was never talked or jus say hi when we met each other. k thats it. unimportant? yes of course, but i want to let yall know bout it hihi. ill catch ya later k. many story to tell is in my head now but i hv to do my fu*kin homework at this time. see ya!

dont push me down pleaseeeee

oke gue barusan telfon amel, gue minta ceritain semuanya dan ada 1 guru yang bikin gue minta maksa masuk ke bonyok. gurunya nggak suka sama murid "bodoh" sedangkan dipelajaran dia gue yaaa nggak pinter pinter amat laaa. nah, lo tau gue gampang stress ya jadilah gue maksa masuk sama bonyok. karena kata amel hari kamis dia mau ngadain test "kepintaran" what theeeee. astaghfirullahaladzim, tobat banget gue. takut nggak kuat kalo gitu caranya mah. mana kkm fisika 77 mtk 76 sejarah aja 78. langsung ngedrop gue begitu denger itu semua ))): yaaaa semoga gue semangat deh setaun ini. dan semoga nanti kelas XII nggak berat berat banget gurunya. karena gue orangnya nggak bisa diajarin sama guru yang bikin gue tertekan. pasti nggak bakal masuk pelajarannya. yaaa udahlah coba jalanin aja dulu.

tuesday evening at my room

udah genap 5 hari gue nggak nongol di sekolah. harusnya kemaren jadi hari pertama gue masuk sebagai anak kelas 11 di sasi. tapi jengjeng ternyata pas hari sabtu gue kena tampek (orang di rumah gue dan gue sendiri pun nggak tau nama yang baik dan benar dari penyakit ini apaan). bete juga di rumah nggak ngapa ngapain. cuma tidur nonton minum obat. gue juga nggak boleh mandi dan harus makan makanan yang "bener". masalah sekolah, agak deg degan sama takut juga. guru baru lingkungan baru, temen temen baru yang nggak gue kenal. egois mungkin kalo gue bilang "gue mau sekolah kalo kelas gue yang dulu" tapi yaa itulah kenyataannya. gue mau kelas gue yang dulu. feeling gue kayaknya gue nggak bakal nyaman sama kelas ini, nggak tau kenapa. yaaa tapi gue bakal usaha, karena gue tau anak lain juga ngerasain hal yang sama. tapi hal ini juga yang bikin semangat gue buat back to school jatoh. entah mungkin karena anak anaknya yang kalo kata kelas lain "jackpot" entah karena gurunya yang katanya agak killer dalam masalah nilai atau emang karena diri gue sendiri yang belom bisa adaptasi sama lingkungan baru. gue juga nggak tau. tapi yang ada dipikiran gue sekarang yang jelas gue harus semangat lagi kayak dulu, karena lo harus tau betapa pinter pinternya anak kelas gue sekarang. dan gue nggak mau jadi anak bodoh terbelakang yang nggak ngerti apa apa. yaaa mungkin inti dari semuanya gue cuma takut. gue takut nggak ada yang mau bantuin gue, gue takut nggak ada yang mau ngehargain apa yang gue omongin lagi gue juga takut nggak ada yang mau dengerin gue kalo gue lagi butuh tempat cerita. karena honestly sampe sekarang gue belom nemuin temen yang bener bener bisa jadi temen gue di sasi.

its nothing

i cant do nothing, bcause im no one

what i want to be

banyak orang bilang seorang perempuan berfikir 90% dengan perasaan dan 10% dengan logika. sedangkan laki-laki 10%persen dengan perasaan dan 90% dengan logika. tapi gue sedang dalam proses untuk menjadi seorang perempuan yang gue mau. gue mau menjadi seorang perempuan yang berfikir 50% menggunakan logika dan 50% menggunakan perasaan.

James Owen Sullivan

I have never met you.

I have never had the privilege to see you in concert.

I have never had the bravery to attempt to figure out the way your mind worked.

I have never had the talent to play drums as amazingly as you did.

I have never met anybody who can play the drums like you did.

I have never seen, known, known about any person as unique and special as yourself.

I have never been able to fathom how amazing it would have been to have you physically in my life. However, I only ever had you in my life through music.

That, my dear, is enough.

James Sullivan, you changed my life. Not in the cliche “You saved me” way, but you changed my life by helping me to broaden my musical tastes, by giving me the courage to be who I am. I would watch videos with you in them and wonder “How does that man do it? How does he go out and not care what anybody thinks about him?” I was never able to be that way until I knew about you and saw more of you. I never knew you personally, but I know you were an amazing person. You were an amazing person and a phenomenal musician. You are, along with another four wonderfully talented men, my inspiration. That will never change.

I miss you, Jimmy. I miss you more than you could imagine.

And I didn’t even know you.

Zack Baker, Matt Sanders, Brian Haner, Johnny Seward.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and I’m sorry for what you’re going to go through. I’m sorry you had to lose your best friend so young, and I’m sorry that there are, indeed, fans that do not respect your privacy enough to give you time to recuperate from this terrible loss. I’m sorry you have a select few crappy fans, but always remember that the majority of us do respect you, your privacy, and your music. We love you through and through. We’re going to be here, and we have been here, for you no matter what decision you make as far as the band. We hope you remain as a band and welcome a new drummer into your brothel, but if you don’t; we understand. We’ll be entirely too upset over it, but we understand and we support any decision you make.

Jimmy, it just hit me tonight, after seeing Zacky V’s shattered custom, that you’re gone. You’re physically gone from this Earth and there is nothing any of us can do to change that. However, you’re always going to be here. Your music is not going to die and your memory is going to live on.

I miss you.

P.S. = again, this isnt my wrtiting but it can reflects my feeling

Jimmy

I love this picture, so much. But every time I look at it I hurt, just like I do when I look at any picture of Avenged Sevenfold with Jimmy in, and tbh, just like I do with picture that should have him in. I thought I was getting better at handling it, coming to grips with the fact he’s gone, but I’m not, and reading that article today proved that. I sat there and tried to read it as soon as I bought it, sitting on a bench next to some woman, who must have thought I was crazy. I sat there and I had barley read the first paragraph before I was bawling. So I left it until I got home. I sat there, bracing myself, and once I opened it and saw the first picture I was gone, crying my eyes out as I read it. It just still doesn’t seem real, none of it, I still expect Jimmy to pop out and just say it was all a terrible joke and that he’s still alive and everything can go back to normal again. But things will never be normal again, though. Never. Because he’ll never be back, he’s not coming back, and it kills me everyday. I feel as though I neglect them, to protect myself from the reality of him being gone. I don’t post pictures of them, and I rarely reblog anything to do with them. I haven’t watched the DVDs in ages, and even though I still listen to them it’s nowhere near as much as the amount I used to. It’s like prising open an old wound every time, but I need to get past this, and be strong, just like my boys are being. They’ve had to deal with so much more pain than I could imagine, and they’re doing it, being strong, living, fighting, making music. so I’m going to do it too, because I miss Avenged Sevenfold, so much.
I love this band with everything I have in me, their music has given me a reason to breathe, a reason to fight when things get tough. This band, these five men are a part of me, they’re my heroes. I admire their strength, their talent and their ability to have fought through this hardship and come out with, what I know will be, an incredible fucking album. I am so immensely proud to call myself an Avenged Sevenfold fan, a member of The Fallen; and Fallen For Life for that matter. Because I am, I’ll be with these boys ‘till the day I die. No-one in the whole world will ever, and could ever replace these guys, no-one or nothing could ever even attempt to duplicate the feelings these guys music has made me feel. Complete, happy. I will forever be in their debt for everything they’ve done for me, for saving me. Thank you Avenged Sevenfold. And rest in peace Jimmy, I’ll see you again one day. ♥

P.S. = thats not my writing. thats belong to someone on tumblr who has same felling just like me. so i put it here.

Who I Am

physically im a weak duck but mentally im a wolf

toXic

gue bangga menjadi bagian dari toXic bukan karena kompak atau nggak kompaknya kita, tapi karena proses kita menjadi sesuatu yang lebih baik

Avenged Sevenfold Drummer Died of Accidental OverdoseCoroner rules the Rev's December '09 death resulted from lethal combination

Avenged Sevenfold drummer Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan died on December 28, 2009 from an accidental overdose of prescription drugs and alcohol, Orange County Deputy Coroner Mitchell Sigal told Rolling Stone. Toxicology reports indicate that Sullivan suffered “acute polydrug intoxication due to combined effects of Oxycodone, Oxymorphone, Diazepam/Nordiazepam and ethanol.”

Oxycodone is painkiller that substitutes for Codeine, Oxymorphone is a painkiller similar to Morphine, Diazepam/Nordiazepam are anxiety medications and ethanol is the intoxicant in alcohol. Actor Heath Ledger similarly died from acute polydrug intoxication on January 22, 2008. Sigal added that Sullivan also had cardiomegaly (an enlarged heart), which was marked in the coroner’s report as a “significant condition” that may have played a role in the drummer’s death. The Coroner’s Department conducted “five or six” different tests to verify the cause of death, Sigal added.

“To all of us who loved Jimmy, the only thing relevant about December 28 is that is the night we lost, too soon, a son, brother, friend and one of the most talented artists in the world,” the band’s manager Larry Jacobson tells Rolling Stone. “Every day, his parents and sisters, and his brothers in Avenged Sevenfold smile at the many memories they have of Jimmy and his fans around the world revel in the musical legacy he left them.”

Sullivan, 28, died at his home in Huntington Beach, California. He was buried in a private ceremony on January 6th. Avenged Sevenfold guitarist Synyster Gates delivered a eulogy at the cemetery in front of the band, Sullivan’s wife and family, ex-Pantera drummer Vinnie Paul, Bullet For My Valentine frontman Matt Tuck and members of Buckcherry and My Chemical Romance.

The drummer was one of the standouts from the Orange County metal scene, combining precision, aggression and flair with syncopated groove. His playing evolved seamlessly with the band’s development from a brutal metalcore band influenced by Converge and Slayer to a brash hard rock outfit more redolent of Guns n’ Roses and Metallica. Sullivan performed on four of Avenged Sevenfold’s studio albums — 2001’s Sounding the Seventh Trumpet, 2003’s Waking the Fallen, 2005’s breakthrough City of Evil and 2007’s Avenged Sevenfold — and was co-writing the band upcoming album at the time of his death. That record, Nightmare, is scheduled for release on July 27th.

“As a drummer, Jimmy was just better than most people,” says Atreyu drummer Brandon Saller, whose band also emerged from the Orange County scene. “He had a true talent and he went about things in such a skewed way technically that he didn’t sound like anybody else. He was one of those drummers where you could put on a record and you could tell it was Jimmy drumming the second you heard it.”

In addition to being a skilled and flashy player, Sullivan was a friendly and ebullient individual, whose enthusiasm won people over. “He always wanted everyone to have a good time,” Saller says. “He didn’t live in a world where you could be sad or bummed out. He didn’t let that part of life exist for him. He always brought out the good in everything and was always laughing and joking.”

“Whenever he’d see people from the past, like Bleeding Through or Eighteen Visions, his face would light up,” adds Bleeding Through frontman Brandan Schieppati, whose band also formed in Orange County. “He’d make you feel like you were still an important part of his life, even though he had gone and done greater things with his career. He really had a big heart.”

After grieving for their bandmate, Avenged Sevenfold hired one of Sullivan’s favorite drummers, Dream Theater’s Mike Portnoy, to play on Nightmare. Portnoy will tour with Avenged Sevenfold on the Rockstar Energy Uproar festival, which launches August 17th in Minneapolis, Minnesota and runs through October
4th in Madison, Wisconsin.

Leader

a leader must to be stronger than another people. a leader does not show their sadness in front of another people. and a leader must be able to control their emotion

First Love

because the first love always has it own place in everyone's heart, forever.

just a piece of a story bout The Past

so last nite i watched the final match between spain and netherlands that was won by spain with 1-0 and posted all the moved second by second on twitter. and suddenly i read a gorgeous shocking tweet. "HE" (read : The -itsmyfirstloveandbrokenheart-) tweeted me

him : Lo besok sekolah kan.?

me : iya. emang kenapa kak?

him : Hebat banget..hehe..gue besok juga mau mulai liburan..hahaha

me : yaah 4 taun sekali, sayang kalo dilewatin hihi. -_- enak banget ya lo liburan. beda anak kuliah mah liburnya lama

him : Hahaha..emang enak lo.belajar sana.

me : aaaah blagu lo. bukannya kuliah juga ada OSPEK ya. kok lo liburan?

thats it. he didnt reply again. but its k. i dont really think bout it. but you know what make it was so special? bcause we never talked or just say hi though we met or looked each other. for a while i thought that he hates me and i didnt know why. but its k, bcause i already know that he doesnt hate me and he still wants to be my friend, though we had a bad histories among us. and for me everything with him, with The -itsmyfirstloveandbrokenheart- is done. its over. he already has a beautiful and smart girl with him and i already forgot and deleted my fLove for him. But i will always adore you as The -itsmyfirstloveandbrokenheart-. because the first love always has it own place in everyone's heart, forever.

P.S. = every words, every sentence on the conversation was truly copy paste from my twitter

whatever

i miss you, i need you, i love you, i wish you were here or bla bla bla bla. you kno what, i hate it when i hv to say that f#ckin gorgeous words bcause sometimes they feel so cheesy. but truly, honestly from my deepest heart, i really want to say them aloud.

part of my life

oke sekarang gue lagi di kursi orange kesayangan gue sambil nunggu bokap, gue lagi mood banget buat nulis tapi masalah vacation gue ke thailand mungkin entaran aja kali yaa. tunggu suasana agak bahagia dikit. so sekarang gue mau ceritain yang simple dan yang ada di otak gue aja. umm tadi sore sodara gue yang bernama Gebyar Lintang Ndadari (ini gue pasang nama lengkap biar pas dia nge googling namanya dia sendiri, dia akan bangga karena gue eksisin di blog gue) dan nyokapnya baru pulang, balik ke ungaran. dia udah nginep disini semingguan dan yaaa pas dia balik jengjeng rumah sepi (oke mbak, kamu pasti bangga karena aku tulis gini). ya lo semua harus tau gimana hebohnya dia apalagi kalo udah ngomongin dan ngeliat cowok cowok ganteng di you tube. tapi di rumah masih ada mas erin. dia sepupu cowok gue yang maha pinter dan baru lulus dari UI jadi sekarang di belakang namanya gelarnya udah ST (prikitiuuuw congrats). nah kan gara gara ngomongin keluarga mending sekalian geu ceritain aja keluarga kecil (bukan badannya) gue. bokap gue bernama Bangkit Susianto umurnya 50 taun tanggal 1 juli kemaren. bokap suka banget sama yang namanya bola mancing dan masak. tapi kayaknya sekarang dia lagi gila gilanya sama travelling keliling asia. satu yang paling gue benci dari bokap adalah, dia pengen banget gue langsing (oke itu gue nggak heran) dan itu kadang kadang buat gue bete kalo dia sudah membahas masalah kecantikan. o please dad, i will be a truly woman. but not now, let me enjoy my life for a while. next my mom, Gandes Mariatun. kadang sabaaar kadang baweeeeel. nyokap gue 4 taun dibawah bokap umurnya. nyokap adalah orang yang gila kerapian dan kebersihan. nyokap gue meskipun kerja tapi setiap sabtu minggu masih demen bersih bersih rumah. dia adalah tipikal orang yang lebih baik bersih bersih daripada masak. meskipun masakan dia enak, tapi dia tetep cintaan bersih bersih. nah hal itu amat sangat berkebalikan dengan gue yang amat sangat tidak suka bersih bersih apalagi kerapian. dan hal itu juga yang bikin nyokap gue suka bawel sama gue. yang terakhir adalah adek gue, Juniar Teges Baresi. umurnya 13 tau dan dia nyolotnya onde mande. tapi kalo disuruh dia mah mau mau aja. oiya dia sekarang lebih gaul. maklum anak alajar, gaul gaul nah ketularan dah dia tu. oke thats enauf for my family for now. dan semoga bokap baik baik aja yaa. Amin

engsel bokap gue yang bandel

oke sekarang jam 9:47 PM kayak biasa setiap hari sabtu malem bokap sama adek gue pasti main futsal sama tetangga tetangga. dan tiba tiba tadi gue dapet telfon suruh manggilin tukang urut katanya ada yang jatoh terus tulangnya nongol gitu. gue pikir siapa, ternyata bokap gue. o Gosh, gue shock banget karena bokap gue udah 50 taun meeeeen dan udah bukan saatnya diumur segitu engsel geser. ya ampun. yaaa untung dipundak kiri sih. tapi yaaa nggak untung jugaaa. gue jadi kepikiran banget. sekarang sih bokap lagi dibawa ke cibubur mau dipijet aja. semoga nggakpapa deh. bokap berangkat sama nyokap, supir dan adek gue. gue di rumah nunggu rumah aja. sebenernya agak ngerasa bersalah juga nggak ikut. tapi tadi gue pake celana pendek banget dan kalo harus langsung yang ada gue juga bisa diomelin nyokap. so, positifnya gue mending di rumah nunggu sampe pada pulang dan berdoa semoga everything k. AMIN

karena tempat yang dibentuk menentukan arah dan bentuk aliran itu

orang bilang, biarkanlah mengalir seperti air. gue bilang, air mengalir mengikuti bentuk tempat ia mengalir. lo mau membentuk tempat itu seperti apa?

Process and Time

everything needs process and process needs time

im back!

k, here i am at my room. jus got back 2 days ago. and umm i hv so many stories to tell. from the first day till last day. from the bad till good. and from the interesting till boring. and ill post the pictures tho (((: